The Memorial Service

I woke up this morning worrying about this afternoon's memorial service. I was tempted to skip church so I could get in some more practice time. At some point, however, you just have to trust that you've practiced enough. That and a little prayer. It may be trite, but "let go and let God" is sometimes the only thing that keeps me calm.

Besides, it was Saint Francis Day, and Bishop Laura Ahrens was visiting our parish. I didn't even have to duck out of the service early to get to the church in Seymour where the memorial service.

I arrived about 40 minutes before the service was scheduled to begin. That gave me the opportunity to meet Sister Cecilia for any last minute instructions, figure out where to set up, set up, and warm up. Trinity Episcopal Church has that "New England church" feel to it. As soon as I stepped into the worship space, I knew I would not need the microphone Cecilia offered. I set up by the organ behind the pulpit and spent a few minutes warming up, which highlighted a couple of rough spots. I marked some of the trouble notes and wrote "SLOW DOWN" at the top of one of the pieces I planned to play.

I was actually more nervous warming up than I was during the service itself, and perhaps it was a good thing that there were only 15 people there. I made it through the rough places without a problem but bobbled a couple of places in pieces I know really well. Fortunately, my inner perfectionist stayed put, and I didn't come to a complete stop when the mistakes came. I kept going and managed to recover from a measure of wrong notes ("E FLAT, Jeff, E flat!), surprising myself by being able to get back in a way that at least had some semblance of musicality.

Reflecting on that during the drive home, I realized that the technical exercises I've been practicing really do make a difference. My friend Jonathan, quoting a jazz teacher he knows, said that practicing the technical stuff raises our "lousy level," the place we default to when we aren't playing well.

All in all, I feel pretty good about my playing. Decent tone, not too many flubs, the music I chose fit the mood of the memorial service, and people seemed to appreciate the music.