Jitters

I haven't performed in public since my friend Rob's ordination to the priesthood almost three years ago. Well, I suppose playing in the world's largest flute ensemble at the NFA convention in August was performing in public, but I was one of some 2,000 flutists that day! Sunday I will be THE only musician for the memorial service. I don't remember the last time I did that.

Coming home on the train this evening, all I wanted to do when I got home was go to bed. However, with a gig on Sunday, and having missed a two days of practice this week, I knew I had to practice this evening. I know I have a tendency to never feel like I'm really ready for a performance, but the "I haven't performed in public in three years" anxiety started to get the upper hand.

Take some deep breaths and do this week's scales and daily exercise. So far so good. Pull out the program Sr. Celilia sent to plan where I'm going to play what during the service.

PANIC.

Not enough music.

More deep breaths. Pull out the book of Taize tunes and play through some of the variations. But I don't want too much Taize for the service. Pull out folders of music to see what else I've played in the past that could work for Sunday.

More deep breaths.

I practiced for about an hour-and-a-half. At that point it it was enough for today. I piled up the options for Sunday, and I'll go through them tomorrow. No sense making myself crazy or getting so tired that playing any more would do more harm than good.

More deep breaths.

I'll have enough music.