Of Being Single

I take my victories where I can find them. At this morning's writing workshop I ate none of the donuts provided for breakfast. I didn't expect transitioning back to the Eat Right 4 Your Type program to be so difficult. On the other hand, the last time I started the program I was living with someone else who was also starting it. It is much easier to do it with someone than to do it alone.

There are a lot of things that are more difficult as a single person, especially if you live in a suburban or rural area. Taking the car in for service. Arranging for service and repair people to be at your home. Getting around when you are temporarily not able to drive. Navigating through the health care maze when you are hospitalized. I don't even want to think about--though I must--being a single elder in our "western" culture, even in an urban environment.

Supervisors assume that you are always available come in early, work late, and travel more often because you have no family obligations. Church committees make the same assumption. Not to mention that church activities for singles, when a congregation does provide any, often focus on pairing us up than on our lives as single people.

As a single person, I spend a larger percentage of my income on housing and utilities. I have fewer tax exemptions. It takes as much time and energy--both labor and natural resources--to cook for one as it does to cook for two, three, or four. And where do single people turn when they lose their jobs?

Don't get me wrong, there are many things I appreciate about being single. You can handle most of the things above with a little creative planning. Most, but not all.

When people mourn the loss of the family and "family values," they most often mean the nuclear family that became the norm after World War II. Frankly, that model of family has done as much to change our society as any other social movement in the last 60 years. It dismantled the extended family that provided shelter and care for many people, and it helped erode the larger community in this country. I don't necessarily want to turn the clock back. I'm not even sure a return to the old model of the extended family would work.

Maybe it is time to look at new models of family.

Peace,
Jeff