The Long And Winding Road - Living in The Question Mark

I had planned to write more posts on this series, but then I wrote the following in my sermon for last Sunday:

This week I find myself in a place where I strongly identify with Esau. Some of it has to do with being an older son, but mostly I’ve been put in the role of the metaphorical big brother over and over. I’ve watched those younger brothers and sisters receive blessings and inheritances I will not. I have seen them go places I cannot. Next year, next month, next week, or even tomorrow, I might find myself interpreting the story of Esau and Jacob differently. Neither interpretation is wrong. They are reflections of where I am in my life and how that affects the way in which I tell my story of being part of God’s creation.

It's time to move on from this series, as it is time to move on from other things.

For eight-and-a-half years I had the opportunity to work for the Episcopal Church in a number of roles as part of the Christian Formation staff. It was a unique place from which to observe the institutional church. I have seen the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. But mostly, I see an institution that I don't want to be chained to by the clerical dog collar. And quite frankly, I have a lot more power as a lay person who can work outside the hierarchy. Especially as a queer person.

What am I going to do now? I don't know. I'm still involved in Christian Formation at my parish and with the National Association for Christian Education Directors (NAECED). Professionally, it's more than likely I'll end up in an entirely different field building on "the skills to run a small third world country" (as my last boss at the Church Center commented after my position had been eliminated). In terms of ministry, I will continue doing those things that I have been doing, and I will start looking at some of those things I've felt inhibited from doing both as an employee of the institution and as an aspirant for Holy Orders.

I drew this map in March during a series on Sharing Our Stories I led at our parish. It ends with a question mark. And for now, that's where I'm living. In the question mark.