The Yankee Goes to Chapel

During the January Term one of the chapel sacristans asked if I would consider officiating at Noonday Prayer one day during the term. His face fell just slightly when I said I needed to check my calendar to see if I could and would email him. Later he told me he'd been surprised at how quickly I sent the email letting him know I would be happy to officiate. It wasn't until two days before that I received details about the service, and at 9:30 the night before I learned that a short reflection on the readings was part of officiating. The idea of the homily on such short notice had me a bit nervous, but I managed just fine, and I spoke without notes. I even received compliments from someone I respect as a priest.

A couple of weeks later I related the story to my spiritual director who happens to be the Chapel Coordinator for the Seminary. In one of our earlier meetings we'd talked about my involvement, or lack thereof, in the Seminary Chapel services. Until January, I could have probably counted on one hand the number of times I'd attended services in the chapel, primarily work related. Since February she's asked me to read at Morning Prayer twice and officiate at Morning Prayer once.

Once she scheduled me to officiate this morning's service I checked with her to see if there were any specifics about officiating in the Seminary chapel that I should know. She ran through the basic outline, with which I'm already familiar. Yet I still felt nervous when I arrived at sacristy this morning to check in with the sacristan. About halfway through the service I thought there's no reason to be nervous. I did this dozens of times at the Church Center when I worked there. I've led Morning Prayer on Sundays at my former parish when we were without clergy. I've led Daily Office services at any number of meetings and conferences. So what was it about this service of Morning Prayer?

Over the course of the day I spoke with a couple of the seminarians, and they have experienced much the same feelings when officiating or serving at chapel services. What is it about seminary services that causes this nervousness in those of us who have served in these roles many times before arriving here? It could be attributable to the feeling of being under the microscope of the ordination process, but I'm not in the process, and they have led services in other places as part of their process. So it must be something about being here at the Seminary. If we figure it out, we'll let you know.

In the meantime I expect that my spiritual director will invite me to participate in more chapel services, and I will probably say yes when it fits into my schedule.