Early Friday afternoon I packed the car, filled the gas tank, and headed up Route 8 to Becket, Massachusetts. Over 130 lgbt, and a handful of straight friends, gathered for the Lavender Country and Folk Dancers Fall Dance Camp at Chimney Corners. Lisa Greenleaf was the caller, and the Groovemongers provided the music. I came home late Sunday afternoon with sore feet and ready for bed.
I did not attend the reunion activities of the Darien High School Class of 1978: the Homecoming game and the gathering at Wee Burn Country Club.
While it would have been fun catching up with my classmates after 10 years (we have not been together since our 20th reunion in 1998), the Dance Camp community is more important to me. I have missed only two camps over the last 15 years. These are the people I share common interests and values with. These are the folks who nurture me. These are the friends who accept me as I am. This is the community that renews and refreshes me.
For some reason, this camp turned out to be a bit different for me personally. I was not self-conscious about my body. I'm a good dancer, and that's what counts on the dance floor. I'm a good person and friend, and that's what counts with this community. It was also freeing in other ways. I found that I was not my usually shy self. If I wanted to ask someone to dance, I did, and was only turned down if the person had already been asked to dance for that dance. I flirted with several people when we weren't on the dance floor. It was like I was fully present for the first time in a long time.
This dance community is the people I am growing--and growing older--with. The DHS Class of 1978 is frozen in time, in snapshots taken in 1978, 1988, 1998, and now 2008. If the class' next reunion and Fall dance camp fall on the same weekend again, I know where I will be.
Peace,
Jeffri
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
That's So Teenager
When they renovated our office space at the Episcopal Church Center they consolidated the Church Center offices. As a result we had two-and-a-half floors available to lease. The Ad Council currently occupies that space. Their employees have come to a couple of our Community Gatherings, and we were invited to an open house in their space. Many of us on the Church Center Staff also subscribe to one of their mail lists.
Today we received an email highlighting some of their campaigns. The first one was the Think Before You Speak campaign sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. The email featured three short videos from the campaign. The first one features Hilary Duff.
The second features Wanda Sykes
And here's the third one.
Having grown up with a brother who used "gay" as interchangeable with "stupid," this obviously isn't a new issue. I haven't heard him use "gay" for "stupid" in many years, and I haven't heard his kids use the word that way either--at least around their Uncle Jeff.
Maybe there's hope.
Peace,
Jeffri
Today we received an email highlighting some of their campaigns. The first one was the Think Before You Speak campaign sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. The email featured three short videos from the campaign. The first one features Hilary Duff.
The second features Wanda Sykes
And here's the third one.
Having grown up with a brother who used "gay" as interchangeable with "stupid," this obviously isn't a new issue. I haven't heard him use "gay" for "stupid" in many years, and I haven't heard his kids use the word that way either--at least around their Uncle Jeff.
Maybe there's hope.
Peace,
Jeffri
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A Week By The Lake
I spent last week in Burlington, Vermont at the Bishop Booth Conference Center meeting with the Episcopal Council for Christian Education (ECCE). I drove up, which was a nostalgic experience. We spent some of our family vacations in Vermont while I was growing up, so I drove by a lot of familiar places--if only the names. The Conference Center sits on the shores of Lake Champlain.
ECCE meetings can exhaust me, but once I recover from the meeting itself, the experience energizes me. These folks--two representatives from each Province of the Episcopal Church--are my network, my "peeps," as my nephews would say. They keep me sane in the ever-changing mess that seems to be the Church Center these days. These people, along with their peers across the church, are the reason I have not walked out the door these past six months. They do incredible work, and I am proud to be their colleague.
At every ECCE meeting we try to provide a development component. This time a former ECCE member did a four hour workshop over two days on the Enneagram Types. The organization he works with is the Enneagram Institute. If you want to find out more about what we learned, you can visit their web site. I am Type 6 - The Loyalist. And this surprises us how? I know people get very caught up in this kind of thing, as also happens with the Myers-Briggs typing that runs rampant through the Episcopal Church. These are tools we can use to help understand ourselves. But each is only one kind of tool. They are not the be all and end all. Not every tool works for every person. Here endeth the lecture.
The ECCE meeting ended at lunchtime on Thursday, and three people heading to the Los Angeles for another meeting were staying over until Friday morning. Ruth-Ann and I stayed as well so that we could spend some time with them to prepare them for the meeting, which we are not attending due to travel restrictions based on budget issues. Before that meeting, however, we needed a break. Even in as lovely a setting as the shore of Lake Champlain in the Fall, you need to get out and have a change of scenery.
Our first stop was the Vermont Teddy Bear Company's Factory and Bear Shop.
We did the tourist thing and took the picture. This is Cindy from the Diocese of Olympia, Nancy from the Diocese of Northern California, me, and my friend MerLynne from the Diocese of Minnesota.
We took the tour.
This is the stuffing station.
We saw lots of bears and outfits.
And yes, I came home with a bear.
After a short stop at the cathedral bookshop, we spent the rest of the afternoon wandering up and down Church Street, which is pedestrian street in downtown Burlington. We had dinner at Three Tomatoes and then drove back to the Conference Center to have our meeting.
Friday was a travel day, which for Ruth-Ann and me, consisted of a 5 1/2 hour drive back down to Connecticut. Ruth-Ann the continued on the Port Jefferson Ferry to Long Island. It was a beautiful day for a drive, but when I got home, my body pretty much said "you're done now," and I slept for 12 hours Friday night.
Tomorrow, back into the... office.
Peace,
Jeffri
ECCE meetings can exhaust me, but once I recover from the meeting itself, the experience energizes me. These folks--two representatives from each Province of the Episcopal Church--are my network, my "peeps," as my nephews would say. They keep me sane in the ever-changing mess that seems to be the Church Center these days. These people, along with their peers across the church, are the reason I have not walked out the door these past six months. They do incredible work, and I am proud to be their colleague.
At every ECCE meeting we try to provide a development component. This time a former ECCE member did a four hour workshop over two days on the Enneagram Types. The organization he works with is the Enneagram Institute. If you want to find out more about what we learned, you can visit their web site. I am Type 6 - The Loyalist. And this surprises us how? I know people get very caught up in this kind of thing, as also happens with the Myers-Briggs typing that runs rampant through the Episcopal Church. These are tools we can use to help understand ourselves. But each is only one kind of tool. They are not the be all and end all. Not every tool works for every person. Here endeth the lecture.
The ECCE meeting ended at lunchtime on Thursday, and three people heading to the Los Angeles for another meeting were staying over until Friday morning. Ruth-Ann and I stayed as well so that we could spend some time with them to prepare them for the meeting, which we are not attending due to travel restrictions based on budget issues. Before that meeting, however, we needed a break. Even in as lovely a setting as the shore of Lake Champlain in the Fall, you need to get out and have a change of scenery.
Our first stop was the Vermont Teddy Bear Company's Factory and Bear Shop.
We did the tourist thing and took the picture. This is Cindy from the Diocese of Olympia, Nancy from the Diocese of Northern California, me, and my friend MerLynne from the Diocese of Minnesota.We took the tour.
This is the stuffing station.
We saw lots of bears and outfits.
This is a Renaissance Bear in the custom workshop.
Ruth-Ann bought a bear as a Christmas present for her grandson.
And yes, I came home with a bear.
How could I leave him there? He's purple. (Well, they call it amethyst, but he's purple!)
After a short stop at the cathedral bookshop, we spent the rest of the afternoon wandering up and down Church Street, which is pedestrian street in downtown Burlington. We had dinner at Three Tomatoes and then drove back to the Conference Center to have our meeting.
Friday was a travel day, which for Ruth-Ann and me, consisted of a 5 1/2 hour drive back down to Connecticut. Ruth-Ann the continued on the Port Jefferson Ferry to Long Island. It was a beautiful day for a drive, but when I got home, my body pretty much said "you're done now," and I slept for 12 hours Friday night.
Tomorrow, back into the... office.
Peace,
Jeffri
Saturday, October 11, 2008
A Picture Is Worth $700 Billion
One of the blogs I read regularly is Dan Roam's The Back of the Napkin (aka Digital Roam). Dan recently published a book by the same name that everyone who uses PowerPoint ought to read before doing their next presentation!
Today I happened to page down and rediscover his post of September 15 titled "Careful, Senator, your politics are showing." He talks about a workshop he recently did for the heads of staff for the Democratic Senators.
And if anyone tells you that Bush had to deal with a Congress controlled by the Democrats for a good part of his term, remember that the Republicans controlled Congress for most of Clinton's term.
Peace,
Jeffri
Today I happened to page down and rediscover his post of September 15 titled "Careful, Senator, your politics are showing." He talks about a workshop he recently did for the heads of staff for the Democratic Senators.
Go take a look for yourself.Whenever I give a workshop, I ask in advance for a sample problem relevant to my audience, so that I can demonstrate the power of pictures in a context drawn from their real-world experience.
In this case, Doug supplied me with a thick set of economic data comparing eight years of the Clinton Administration with eight years of the George W. Bush administration.
Once drawn out, the results are shocking.
And if anyone tells you that Bush had to deal with a Congress controlled by the Democrats for a good part of his term, remember that the Republicans controlled Congress for most of Clinton's term.
Peace,
Jeffri
Friday, October 10, 2008
Ding Dong The Bells Are Gonna Chime!
While I won't be getting married in the morning, nor any time in the near future, same-sex couples will be able to legally marry in Connecticut soon, probably as early as next month. In a case resulting from a suit filed by 8 couples against the state Commissioner for Public Health after being denied marriage licences by Madison town clerk, the state supreme court ruled today "In accordance with these state constitutional requirements, same sex couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry."
Many headlines in newspapers around the country and throughout the blogosphere read much like this one from The Boston Globe: "Connecticut Supreme Court legalizes same-sex marriage." As a friend of mine pointed out,
If you are interested, here are the Supreme Court's decision and the three dissenting opinions:
This decision is a great stride forward for lbtq folks, but the struggle is not over. There is a question on the ballot this year in Connecticut, one required by the state constitution to be put before the people of the state every 20 years:
A lot of education, advocacy, and hard work remains, but for today, let us celebrate a tremendous step forward.
Peace,
Jeffri
Many headlines in newspapers around the country and throughout the blogosphere read much like this one from The Boston Globe: "Connecticut Supreme Court legalizes same-sex marriage." As a friend of mine pointed out,
The Connecticut Supreme Court did not legalize same-sex marriage but rather said that same-sex couples must be allowed to marry because marriage is a fundamental right. Gays and lesbians are a group who have a history of being discriminated against and therefore heightened scrutiny (California went one step further and said strict scrutiny) must be applied to any law which negatively impacts them. The Connecticut Supreme Court based their ruling on equal protection in the Connecticut constitution. Everybody deserves the equal protection of state law.Essentially the court found that Civil Unions, which Connecticut has had for a couple of years, create a separate and unequal category of citizens.
If you are interested, here are the Supreme Court's decision and the three dissenting opinions:
- SC17716 - Kerrigan v. Commissioner of Public Health
- SC17716 Dissent - Kerrigan v. Commissioner of Public Health
- SC17716 Dissent - Kerrigan v. Commissioner of Public Health
- SC17716 Dissent - Kerrigan v. Commissioner of Public Health
This decision is a great stride forward for lbtq folks, but the struggle is not over. There is a question on the ballot this year in Connecticut, one required by the state constitution to be put before the people of the state every 20 years:
Shall there be a Constitutional Convention to amend or revise the Constitution of the State?There is also the issue of clergy acting as agents of the state for conducting civil marriage. Not to mention the ongoing struggle in our religious institutions regarding the blessing of those marriages.
A lot of education, advocacy, and hard work remains, but for today, let us celebrate a tremendous step forward.
Peace,
Jeffri
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Blessing Of The Bike...s...ss
It was a beautiful day for the blessing of the bikes. Being the primary organizer (it was my idea, after all), I dutifully put on my helmet and rode my bicycle to church, arriving at about 9:05. While riding on the municipal bike path I thought of all the things that didn't get done. The sign for the front of the church that I'd thought of last weekend but didn't have time to make. The idea I had last night coming home on the train that we should have made signs to put up along the bike path a week ago. The people who told me that they would help but never called or even showed up for the event. The newspaper article that never appeared in the local paper. The lack of response from the local bicycling club and a local organization that collects used bikes to refurbish and distribute to kids who need them. Fortunately, it was too nice of a day to dwell on all of that, and I'd already decided that no matter what happened, it was a first time event, and it didn't have to be large or perfect to be successful.
I turned off the bike path just before it goes into the park across the street from our parish, and this is what I saw!
Someone made a sign! I later learned that Lois our priest had painted it and put it up on Tuesday. Shows you how many times I drive by the parish when I'm not going to church!!
Since the bicycle club and the charity hadn't responded, I didn't have to put up tables. I hadn't brought any refreshments, because (a) I had no clue how many people would show up, and (b) I wasn't lugging refreshments to church on my bike. So basically, I paced until Lois and Newlin arrived, followed shortly by Mom with Gabriel her teacup Shih Tzu in tow. We did the last little bits of prep work, I paced some more, and we greeted the photographer from the local paper who showed up a few minutes before the scheduled start of the service.
10:00 a.m., scheduled time, and this is how many bikes were there:
I turned off the bike path just before it goes into the park across the street from our parish, and this is what I saw!
Someone made a sign! I later learned that Lois our priest had painted it and put it up on Tuesday. Shows you how many times I drive by the parish when I'm not going to church!!Since the bicycle club and the charity hadn't responded, I didn't have to put up tables. I hadn't brought any refreshments, because (a) I had no clue how many people would show up, and (b) I wasn't lugging refreshments to church on my bike. So basically, I paced until Lois and Newlin arrived, followed shortly by Mom with Gabriel her teacup Shih Tzu in tow. We did the last little bits of prep work, I paced some more, and we greeted the photographer from the local paper who showed up a few minutes before the scheduled start of the service.
10:00 a.m., scheduled time, and this is how many bikes were there:
That would be my bike. Here's another view of the lone bike that I took simply because I found the play of the shadow on the grass intriguing:
We waited until a few minutes after 10, and then we blessed my bike. Lois decided to bless any vehicle that drove by the church. About 10:20 someone attending another meeting at the parish rode up on his bike. He'd ridden it today because he'd seen the sign. So we blessed his bike.
Lois continued to bless passing vehicles while Newlin and I took down the sign. Just as we'd folded it up, two more parishioners rode up. Here we are blessing the last two bikes of the day.
Was it a success? For the eight of us who participated, definitely. Are we going to do it again? Yes. In April.
I have a list, and this time when people say they're interested, I'll hand them an assignment!
Peace,
Jeffri
Sunday, September 14, 2008
A Blast From The Past
Thursday evening I met my friend Amy for dinner at the Dry Dock Cafe in Norwalk. It had been a while since we'd spent some time together, and we figured it was time. When we sat at the table, the first thing Amy did, after giving me a big hug, was hand me a picture. She found it amongst the collection of a friend whose estate she is handling, and she wanted me to have it.
"That's not Tom Haydock, is it?" I asked, trying to remember if Tom and I had ever been involved in anything at the Wilton Playshop together and realizing at the same time that it wasn't Tom.
"No, it's Guy Allred." She replied.
"Oh, wow. This must be twenty years or so ago. I have hair, a mustache and about 100 fewer pounds."
"I found another picture from my wedding of Quentin with Guy, X, and Y. Only _____ is still alive."
Cancer claimed Quentin, Amy's ex husband, a year or so ago. AIDS took Guy and X from us long before that.
But it was not a sad occasion. The picture brought back lots of good memories. It was taken during the cast party after a show at the Wilton Playshop that I no longer remember--I occasionally helped out as stage crew. Guy and I are sitting (well, leaning against some piece of furniture) and smiling for the whoever took the picture. I was very attracted to Guy, even though blonds are not usually my "type." Not to mention that Brian and I were a couple at that point in time, and I would not even have considered getting involved with Guy, nor he with me.
Brian, now ex, is nowhere in evidence in the picture. That often happened at parties we went to. One of my fellow Connecticut Choraliers once remarked, "You know, whenever we have a party, if one of you comes into a room, the other one leaves." It was never intentional, and neither of us realized that happened. We simply both mingled with the people we knew at these parties, and we never felt the need to constantly be at each other's side. Of course, looking back, one wonders...
From there, our conversation moved on to other people we had both known at the Playshop and in the Choraliers and then on to catching up with recent events in our lives.
Amy's small gift evokes happy memories of a time when my life was different and of friends who have gone on. And I suppose that it is not a coincidence that this year's theme for our Education for Ministry spiritual autobiographies is "Pictures."
Peace,
Jeffri
"That's not Tom Haydock, is it?" I asked, trying to remember if Tom and I had ever been involved in anything at the Wilton Playshop together and realizing at the same time that it wasn't Tom.
"No, it's Guy Allred." She replied.
"Oh, wow. This must be twenty years or so ago. I have hair, a mustache and about 100 fewer pounds."
"I found another picture from my wedding of Quentin with Guy, X, and Y. Only _____ is still alive."
Cancer claimed Quentin, Amy's ex husband, a year or so ago. AIDS took Guy and X from us long before that.
But it was not a sad occasion. The picture brought back lots of good memories. It was taken during the cast party after a show at the Wilton Playshop that I no longer remember--I occasionally helped out as stage crew. Guy and I are sitting (well, leaning against some piece of furniture) and smiling for the whoever took the picture. I was very attracted to Guy, even though blonds are not usually my "type." Not to mention that Brian and I were a couple at that point in time, and I would not even have considered getting involved with Guy, nor he with me.
Brian, now ex, is nowhere in evidence in the picture. That often happened at parties we went to. One of my fellow Connecticut Choraliers once remarked, "You know, whenever we have a party, if one of you comes into a room, the other one leaves." It was never intentional, and neither of us realized that happened. We simply both mingled with the people we knew at these parties, and we never felt the need to constantly be at each other's side. Of course, looking back, one wonders...
From there, our conversation moved on to other people we had both known at the Playshop and in the Choraliers and then on to catching up with recent events in our lives.
Amy's small gift evokes happy memories of a time when my life was different and of friends who have gone on. And I suppose that it is not a coincidence that this year's theme for our Education for Ministry spiritual autobiographies is "Pictures."
Peace,
Jeffri
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